What is wilson silverleaf? We're organitarians; it's best for our bodies and the planet. We cloth diapered Nina for the same reason. We drive a hybrid car & wish we could afford solar panels on our house. I'm a strong advocate for homebirth, full-time mom, & also a movie junkie. We don't have a tv though; we watch dvds on our computer. We love contradancing. I garden & knit; Larry's a puzzle lover & plays fantasy football.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

some soul baring

My grandpa died a little over a year ago and now the only grandparent I have is my grandma, who is the one and only grandma I have ever known. She is a really great grandma and I love her to bits. She's not my biological grandmother; my grandfather married her when I was about 5 years old, my biological grandmother died about 5 years before I was born. This shouldn't be important, it isn't to me. She's simply my grandma, though she and my mother have been estranged since my grandpa died. I call grandma every day, even though there are times we don't have much to say; sometimes a simple "I love you" and "I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you" is enough. She has told me that I am the only one of her 6+ grandchildren who does this and that it really means a lot to her.

Last week grandma told me that she had to go into the hospital and have her pacemaker replaced, something she said was very simple and routine. Even as she was telling me this she was expressing that she was worried about it and calling lawyers to make sure her affairs are in order. So I was a little concerned about it but willing to believe her when she said it would be fine.

I have called and left her messages every day and have been getting more and more worried because I haven't heard back from her. Today I was at my mom's house and she told me that she had heard from the probate lawyer that my grandma has remained in the hospital after having had a stroke that has left her unable to speak (we hope temporarily).

None of my grandma's three children had the courtesy to call me and let me know. I had to find out from the hospital switchboard (I called the hospital where my grandfather died, I assumed that's where she would be) that grandma was in the ICU. There are no phones in the rooms, so I had them transfer me to the nurse's station so that I could ask the nurse to tell my grandma I love her (through sobs). She assured me that grandma will be alright, but really, she has no right to say that, there is a real possibility that she will not be ok. After all, my grandfather died in that very hospital from complications of pneumonia that he picked up there.

My sister called all three of my grandmother's children to see if she could find out what is going on and ask why we weren't called. One hasn't called back, another wanted to know how she got his number (my mom gave it to her but I think I would tell him she got it off of the internet if I was her), and the last only answered when my sister called from work because she didn't recognize the number. My sister was told that if there was something she needed to know, she would be told. I get that they don't like my mom, but I don't understand what (other than love their mother) my sister and I have done to deserve such callous treatment. I have a sneaking suspicion that once my grandpa was gone they thought they were rid of us. It's just so hurtful, and it would make my grandpa (who always treated every one of them as if they were his blood kin) so sad. It makes me sad.


veganmomma said...

That really sucks for you, and your grandma too because I am sure she would have wanted you guys to know what is going on. I really hope she pulls through and am sending her some healing vibes. Her biological children sound lame, I wish I could say more but I feel for you. And I have to say that you are absolutely AWESOME for calling your grandma everyday. I have to admit I almost never call mine although I did just send out a really cute picture of my kids. I think I will call my G-ma's tomorrow because of you.

Elaine said...

Tonight I told my step-dad that if my mom died, he'd still be my kids Grandpa. Period. It just pisses me off that someone would be so awful to someone who loves their mother so much. What she needs right now is an influx of love, not this distancing.

Here's hoping it all turns out ok and she's home where she can speak to you again soon.

Shama-Lama Mama said...

Oh that is just awful... I hope now that you know where she is that you can get your messages of love and support through to her everyday.

And by the way, you ROCK! I can barely get around to calling my own Mom once a week!

Amber said...

I'm so sorry to hear that! What an awful way for people to treat each other. I just don't understand how people can act like that. So so sad. The good thing is that your grandma knows you love her and because of your consistent attention most definetely knows that someone is standing in your way to talk to her and check on her.

lao80 said...

I'm sending out healing vibes and calming. Her kids sound like pieces of work I hope they calm down.

Christian said...

I can't understand why her kids would act that way. You are such a wonderful granddaughter to her - not many people call anyone else every day. I know your grandmother knows you love her, but that sucks that all of that other garbage is in the way. Hope it all resolves soon.

le petit prince said...

I have been deeply touched by your story. Loving the people who means so much for us is one of the best way to nurture their souls (and ours).
My grandma passed away on March and even if she spent a whole month in hospitals (abroad) I couldn't talk to her.
My family was not meaning to keep me from directly talk to her over the phone, however they didn't make the necessary link.
To help your wonderful grandma (aren't they all?)to healing soon and to be peaceful, please try to find a way to forgive your relatives (her biological kids). I do really think that their heart dryeness is a big lack of humanity, and keep them away from the true happiness.